more than 'kai'
by CyTonicKy
Summary: R to be safe. Kai's thoughts on his life... more like a letter.. written in class.now can he wake up or will he die instead? R&R.
1. Default Chapter

Well, read and find out.

* * *

tozasareta yume no tsuzuki sagashi mo tomete itsumademo aruki tsuzuke

kizutsuita kuroi tsubasa tsuki no akari ni terasarete utsukushiku maiagare

* * *

outsider. cold. freak. Emotionless. Bastard. Worthless

All names am called. Worst thing is, all are true. I don't 'mingle' with others. I don't like to show warmth for that I cam called 'freak'. Emotionless, I hide all in the inside, not letting them seep through. Bastard, because I am cold an emotionless, now I am repeating my self huh? Worthless to my family because I can never do anything right. Maybe if I show more me than my mask 'they' would understand. No I could never change. If I stood up bit more to 'him' more often maybe then I'll be worth something.

Weak. Failure. Stupid. Dirty Toy. Yours.

Weak because I can't fight back. I try but fail. I fail at everything, even in what I'm best at. Stupid to never reach you standards, even more so to even try. Dirty, because everything was taken from me. Toyed with me till I bled then toyed with again, and again. Yours because in truth you own me body and soul. I hate it.

Dead

Because, I don't want to be chained by you anymore, I have to escape, and this is the only way. Sorry grandfather. You don't own anymore. And now I leave with my wrist bared to the world to show my escape.

Fear

Of what happens next.

A/a

Don't kill me, I wrote this in class, hey I'm getting an 'A'….. don't Kill me!!!!! You need my if you want me to write a another chapter! Muhahahaha now who is laughing….. Ow… need water…. Aright, you know the gist Read and review. OR I'LL SET…… SHADOW ON YOU! AND WOLVENBYTE!

If ya want to Im : articdemonwolf (AIM)

And.. Well that's it.. My bud is glaring at me to get off. OH i do not own the song.. it from yami no matsuie.. and the meaning are below-

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I'll keep on walking forever, Looking for the rest of my closed dream...

Injured black wings glimmer beautifully As they soar in the light of the moon


	2. no one

_from this house of our friendship_

_shut the door light the match, _

_throw behind u and walk away_

* * *

The steady beeping of the monitors was heard in the silent room where not a sound left, well not the sounds they wanted, a yell, a glare from the closed eyes, but nothing. Still as death, but only the monitor assured the life of the ever aloof captain. None would ever even think that HE would do this HE was the last person in mind for this. Always the ones who always stay away. The ones you want to bring in, but even if they are in, they still truly are out. Nothing makes anymore sense. Looks back into the room, still nothing, look away. Nothing there. Just someone. No one. Leave. When no one watches. A twitch.

Kai's P.O.V ( in a way.)

Dark. Just black all around. Figures. I want the light, but get the dark, life.. Death? Whatever, always bites me in the ass… wonder what it say on my grave? ' Kai Hiwatari, cold emotionless bastard.' that seems about right, that beeping is really starting to get to me, beeping. Guess I'm in between realms, heh, how cliché. Why would I leave the darkness? I lived in it, now I die in it…..

End P.O.V

Contradicting the boys thought's the monitor still beeped, steadily throughout the night.

Somewhere else.

The brown walls and floor were cleaned of the blood that was spilled there not even a few hours ago., a razor blade, glinted in the trash, once white towels, stained crimson were in the corner. A midnight haired boy closed the door, not wanting to look in 'there' any longer. A letter was in his pocket. The one that was in Kai's hands. Cleaning away the other tears away, he looked to where the others were all in similar emotional state as he. They were totally lost without the winged flame.

* * *

_This wasted so many nights and again,  
I've wasted so much time on a friend,  
Too young to proud to understand, so this is the end.  
We should have seen this coming,  
We should have seen this...  
Yeeaaaahh, Yeeaaaahh_

Yeah.. Might be a third chappy. I know it was confusing and weird. And both songs are by story of the year. Man I hate this comp… goes too slow. Again. ;-;. And my e-mail isn't working, and I can't load pages, so, I want to thank those who reviewed.


	3. note

I CAN'T UPDATE FOR A WHILE DUE TO MY COMPUTER BEING FIXED... WELL, IM DOING THIS DURING CLASS, SO I GOT TO GO... AND THAT STUPID RULE ABOUT THE CHAPTERS HAVING 'CONTENT' SO...

A gun was held to his head, but he was calm, unlike his teammates who were panicking, but they were not held point black at gun point were they? They had to watch, to watch him die? To get shot? Who knows? The man was insane, no he was paid to do him in, tie him up and then shoot him, who wants a struggle? Why _should _he struggle, lifewas pointless as it is, is that not the case, why were there scars one his wrists and neck? Sure he was ashamed of those but, it was a mistake, every one makes them right?

update when 'compy' is better.


	4. next

Kai's P.O.V will be in italics flashbacks will be separated by to lazy to write the name and yet I wrote more right there…..; oh and P.O.V starts again after the set of flashbacks.

_Damn that beeping is really getting on my nerves, why can't I just die already, and if I am already dead, where is the fire and the demons that run the fiery underworld? I know I am going to hell, there is no other option … the silence is deafening as is the darkness… it is so intangible yet it runs in my veins… this feels so familiar .. Where was it…. flashbacks waking up to knife as it was slammed into his stomach, the crimson flew reddening the bed sheets, the pitch black cover hid the attacker but he didn't need to see, he already knew who it was a whip split his back open as the sickening moist crack echoed in the air his hands bound in chains above his head cutting off the circulation as he hung mid-air, the dancing whip slithered reopening and making new wounds a hand around his neck tightening every second till he blacked out traveling with his team winning the world tournament being forgiving for betraying his8 being free even for a little while (end flashbacks )so now I have to stay here or is it too late? Damn. I hate my life.. Or is it death? Now groaning I think I'll stop thinking for now._

The long haired teammate walked into the room and just looked at his captain, white everywhere, the blanket, the bandaged arm that lay on top, the weak sunlight make the already pale boy even paler. The beeping of the heart monitor echoed in the room .

" it's not like you Kai, to attempt this, I mean, you could have talked to us, but you're not like that are you? NO! YOU WERE PLANNING TO LEAVE US ALONE WERE YOU!" Rei bit his lip and ran out of the room, just like Tyson the night before, missing the small sign of life.

A few minutes later Rei came back in, eyes red, and sniffling slightly, sighing he sat down by Kai who was still under the illusion of sleep. " even now you frustrate everyone, despite what you think and believe Kai, you can talk to us, but, I guess it's a habit, you were forced to hide everything, even now. Please don't prove the other teams wrong, please don't prove that we are wasting our time… visiting hours will be over soon, wake up soon buddy. You are holding your self back, I' I'm going seeya" leaving he saw an almost invisible movement in the blank face and smiled. " thanks at least you are alive. "

t.B.C

Pink-Phantom &Vicious-Loner : thanks.. and now that i am over that block i have run into another. lol.


	5. beep

Strange and short... thats all I'll say...strange and short. Very short...italics are Kai's thoughts.

* * *

_Still dark._

_Not going away._

_No light is coming_

_neither are any sound_

_wonder why I'm here,_

_oh yeah, twin cuts._

_twin cuts on my arms, to spill my life blood._

_What did I use again?_

_A razor? A shard of glass? A knife?_

_It escapes me._

_I guess its not important at the moment._

_Waking up is more dire right now._

_But the darkness is just so comforting._

_The soft caress of painless death_

_all I have to do is keep sleeping._

_I am confused son of a bitch._

_Wake or sleep?_

_Wake or sleep?_

_Beep beep beep._

_Darkness induced insanity._

_I love my half death-life._

_Pull the trigger._

_I'm busting out of here._

the soft beeping of the monitor changed it's rhythmic beat as the person it watched started to wake.

Beep

beeep

beep

beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

The flat monotone echoed the walls, running steps and a slam of door.

Chatter and yelled.

Beep beep beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Okay. This IS NOT the end.. There is at least one more chapter left. If I feel like it. And yes. I GOT ME A LAPTOP does a stupid dance.


	6. slap

well here is the next chapter...i have mixed feelings about this one...

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_Well I still have no idea if I am awake or dead, it would help if I could open my damned eyes, stupid body still to weak to respond. Well other than feeling currents of electricity nothing out of the ordinary happened_. _Just that annoying beeping and the winded whispers. Anymore of this I I just might kill me self._

_Thats funny._

_Anymore and I'll kill myself, funny, real funny._

_ Well first time didn't go so well, why not go a second time?_

_Don't succeed try again right?_

_ Laughable, I shouldn't even did this in the first time._

_Worthless failure._

_Knew I should have locked the door, or at most gotten a gun._

_ If you see your reflection in the dark what does that mean?_

_Now I now something is wrong, I feel slapping?_

_So then I'm not dead then? Because if I was dead would I feel that? More so, would I even be talking like this?_

_How the hell should I now? It's my first time doing this?_

"And it better damn well be your last time."

_Okay, what the hell was that?_

Rei was surprised when he get a response out of Kai after he got mad enough to lose it and hit the comatose boy

"How...know? First time...do..this?"

Rei couldn't help but reply

"And it better damn well be your last time." he smirked and left the room to find a doctor.

* * *

And there we are, back in the saddle and all that. There might be one more chapter...oh yeah HAPPY NEW YEAR! 


End file.
